Trivia: Excellent and Guaranteed Useless

[Juggler]

pipie.png (41.23 KiB) Viewed 378 times

[Buck Turgidson]

Question: When does a joke become so old and so stale that our local newspapers will no longer publish it?

Letter: An Environmental Nightmare

Dear Editor, Rockbridge Weekly:

An unbelievable fraud has been discovered, with correlated environment and health implications far more serious than just the false labeling of food. This disclosure does not offer unconfirmed allegations. All the facts presented are true. Readers will need to decide what action is appropriate to protect themselves and family, and what action is appropriate to demand from city officials and the school systems.

Many of us have been willing to spend a little more money to buy fresh locally grown "organic" produce, and beef that has not been injected with chemical growth stimulants. We also try to avoid fish that may be high in mercury or other heavy metals which "bio-accumulate" in our bodies. We understand that heavy applications of an inorganic fertilizer to farm crops can lead to water pollution when a rainfall washes fertilizer into the river. The Chesapeake Bay is suffering from such contamination.

Fact # !. It has been discovered that some local profit-minded produce growers have actually been purchasing and applying a dangerous INORGANIC CHEMICAL, dihydrogen-monoxide, as a growth stimulant to their crops, and selling the vegetables in Lexington as "ORGANIC" produce.

Fact # 2: After a heavy rainfall, dangerous high levels of this inorganic chemical growth-stimulant, dihydrogen-monoxide, have been observed in the Maury River.

Fact # 3: The Maury River is the principal source of drinking water for the City of Lexington, and when the water treatment plant was designed and built, its design did not provide any means to remove dihydrogen-monoxide from what is delivered to Lexington homes and restaurants.

Fact #4: Dihydrogen-monoxide is bio-accumulative in pregnant women and others who are prone to gain weight.

Fact # 5: This is the same chemical that the CIA is alleged to have used to force "confessions" from uncooperative enemy prisoners.

Fact # 6: Excessive ingestion of dihydrogen-monoxide is estimated to be the cause of about seven percent of premature and fatal deaths, according to the World Health Organization.

Fact # 7: This inorganic chemical is so important that a major part of all the U.S. Department of Environmental Protection regulations focus on it for public safety.

Fact # 8: This use of this dangerous inorganic chemical is the subject of international treaties.

Fact #9: The Lexington City Council has yet to act to prevent this INORGANIC CHEMICAL, dihydrogen-monoxide, from getting into food produced and sold as "ORGANIC" in Lexington, and nothing to keep this chemical out of the water which is piped into homes.

PROPOSED APPROPRIATE AND TIMELY ACTION

Due to the urgency of this, it is recommended the Lexington City Council should be pressed to address the issue immediately, before this week is out, and report back to the public no later than April first.
...
Dick Rathmell, Lexington

[Juggler]

Astronomical Note:
Venus will transit the sun (pass in front of) on June 6 starting around 6 PM for east coasters.
Here's what you may expect to see.

[crux]

That's one every ten days.

Obama, master of the underclasses and elitist extraordinaire, played his 100th round of golf today.

3 1/2 years in and it should be plain to enough now by now. BO has got to go.

crux

[coondog]

Whadda ya got against GOLF?

You should be glad the man plays golf. It is a timeless and appropriate venue for presidents or all parties in dealing with the stress of a 24 hour a day job. We all know how you feel about the 'intern under the desk method'.

Trust me........Golf relieves the urge to do violence upon those who richly deserve it. A president deprived or golf (or interns) may well decide he's had enough of disrespect, baseless criticism and hate mongering to send a drone or two after those who perpetually oppose, slander and undermine him at every turn.

Now....as much as I disagree with conservatives on so many things, I wouldn't want to see any of you fine folks get blowed up (not even Eric Cantor......maybe) by a president gone off the reservation due to stress related golf deprivation.

Now....theres an idea: Eric Cantor Logo Golf Balls


HIT ME

Coondog

Aaaah! Feel the tension just melt away!

[Juggler]

[crux]

The Democrat Party won't DISCLOSE who the donors are that are funding the Democrat Convention! Why won't they ACT?
500,000 in Stimulus Funds were spent touting Green Jobs on MSNBS's Maddow/Olberman shows. Zero jobs were reported.

[Juggler]

Clever Asians. They know best how to fold T-shirts, and now how to separate eggs:

[crux]

...I like the way the yolk bounces in the bottle, and the demonstration that you can put the yolk back, and then forth...

Fascinating.

crux

[coondog]

Trump sues Maher for $5 million for orangutan sex joke

(CNN) -- It's best not to monkey around with Donald Trump -- or maybe that's a bad choice of words.
The billionaire real estate mogul is suing millionaire comedian Bill Maher for $5 million.

Why?

Because Maher said -- in jest, as comedians are wont to do -- that he would donate $5 million to a charity if Trump could prove he wasn't the "the spawn of his mother having sex with an orangutan."

"I'm not saying it's true," Maher told Jay Leno on "The Tonight Show" last month.

"I hope it's not true, but unless he comes up with proof ... I'm willing to offer $5 million to Donald Trump that he can donate to a charity of his choice -- Hair Club for Men; The Institute for Incorrigible Douche-bag-ery. Whatever charity."

Maher picked the figure after Trump, long a skeptic of President Barack Obama's citizenship, offered to give $5 million to the charity of Obama's choice if the president publicly released his college transcripts in addition to his passport records ahead of last year's elections.

The White House never directly responded to the challenge.

Trump says he provided Maher with a New York birth certificate that proved he didn't descend from an ape -- but Maher hasn't paid up.

Trump filed the lawsuit in Los Angeles on Monday.

Included in the court documents are a January 8 letter to Maher, accepting the $5 million charity challenge the day after his appearance on Leno, and a copy of Trump's birth certificate, which lists Fred Trump as his father -- not an orangutan.
It's a free-swinging smackdown by two men used to speaking their minds and not backing down.

Maher, never afraid to ape the object of his pithy humor, was unrelenting on "The Tonight Show" in pushing the simian connection.

"The color of his hair (pauses for laughs) and the color of an orange orangutan is the only two things in nature of the same color," Maher said to another round of nervous chuckles from the audience.

The comedian's reaction to the lawsuit?

"What?? Really? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha," he tweeted.

Perhaps, he is waiting for Trump to release his long-form birth certificate.

[Juggler]

[crux]

http://naturalsociety.com/leading-genet ... declining/

"Fluoride, Pesticide, Pro-cessed-FOODS!! High Fructose Corn Syrup is MAKING-People-STUPID!!!"

[Juggler]

I read the article but really cannot understand anything in it.
Nor can I find my keys.
I had something important to do today but cannot remember it.
Oh well, I'll just drink some high-fructose coca-cola, brush my teeth with fluoride toothpaste, and go to bed.

[crux]

We should throw in cooking in aluminum pots, eating hot dogs (nitrites), drinking from plastic (thalenes),
watching Honey Boo-boo or TV sitcoms in general, and getting your news from Stewart and Colbert....